As we approach the end of the year, it’s always tempting to reflect on the last 12 months but as most of the world’s troubles will follow us into 2021 it seemed to be an inappropriate waste of creative energy. Also, there’s precious little that I want to place into personal review, other than notching up another year of sobriety from recreational drugs, which is a huge accomplishment. Every recovering addict will face the challenge of temptation, and within temptation lies the pathway to a list of excuses.
It’s a choice between allowing your demons to control your life, or choosing to empower yourself by simply saying enough is enough. Thankfully I will never forget the horror show that parts of my life became as a result of substance abuse, and it’s a part of my life that I never want to revisit again except, perhaps, on those occasions when I need to reflect on what was, and what is now. It’s a vision that provides perspective, and is quite sobering enough. 2020 was also the year when Survivors UK took on the challenge of starting a new support group for LGBTQ victims of Image Based Sexual Abuse, and I’m very proud to have played a part in its development.
In 2020 I met another gay male victim, and survivor, of non-consensual image sharing – his name is Alan. His story revolves around an experience of premeditated image-based abuse and sexual violence. A few months ago, Alan went public with his story by way of an article in Pink News. Alan originally reached out to VOIC – Victims of Image Crime, and we have kept in touch ever since. There are aspects to Alan’s story that mirror my own, particularly in respect to being ‘set up’ for a webcam streamed invasion of his sexual and personal privacy, and what was later to become an ongoing nightmare of successive threats of sexual violence. Whilst I was never a victim of the horrific depictions of sexual abuse that formed a part of Alan’s story, it instantly jolted me back to my own experience when it became apparent that his ordeal revolved around the NKPS website.
As I’m going to refer to this later, it’s important to point out that the last time I had any sexual exposure to the NKPS website was in 2016 – the year of my own non consensual webcam stream. Beyond that I’ve used the website to gather information pertaining to a police investigation, which until August of this year, had been dragging on in the background of my life since 2018.
He told me about his attempts to alert his local gay community about these online sexual predators, to which he received responses such as “why the f*ck would I want to know about that” and “why should I give a f*ck about what these people do”.
I tried hard to feel astonished, but that’s the reality of it. I’ve seen every aspect of gay culture over the years, from the loving and often supportive aspects of it….to the dispassionate, self-obsessed side where our already sectionalized community is minoritized further, by our own internal judgement of one another.
As Alan recounted his experiences, he also shared maybe four or five of the user profile names connected to this predatory and criminal behaviour, two of which were familiar – although I have never had the misfortune of meeting them personally. When you consider that this is a website that I have given a VERY wide berth to since 2016, I can safely say that (in effect) those two individuals have been using the NKPS platform for criminality that includes (but is not limited to) non-consensual image sharing and streaming. This has been the case for the last four years. They have done so unchallenged and without fear of consequence or reprocussions. Let’s take a step back for a second, and ask a few questions: -
“how many gay men have suffered a similar fate at the hands of these individuals”?
“how many of these experiences have been reported to the authorities and why does the NKPS website continue to exist”?
I suspect that I already know the answer to the latter, probably not very many due to the very palpable fear of being judged by the gay community and society generally, it’s also important to remind everybody of the extreme mental trauma that is left behind by these crimes…irrespective of your sexuality.
Why does this website still exist? Probably because of the self-centred attitudes that Alan encountered. NKPS is merely one example of a website that sits on the cusp that separates what we call the ‘internet’ from the ‘dark web’, MaleGeneral is undoubtably the other. These websites go unchallenged by the LGBTQ community due to a ‘see no evil, speak no evil’ attitude and this will always be the case until that mindset changes. NKPS Media are no doubt more than aware of the criminal and predatory activities on their website, this much is clear when you examine their content. It’s also clear that this predatory sexual behaviour is neither condoned nor discouraged, although NKPS Media do cover their ‘legal backs’ with an opening generic disclaimer. It is, of course, every individual’s right to engage in whatever sexual activity they wish. But when that sexual activity involves premediated abuse (image related or otherwise) and violence it simply must be reported and the platform on which it took place investigated by international and local authorities.
Image Based Sexual Abuse is a subject that not very many want to engage with, and as a victim/survivor myself, I understand why. During the years that I have been open about my own experience, I’ve only encountered two other gay male experiencers…. although I’m aware that around the globe there are millions (if not more) of others who choose to suffer in a self-imposed silence, simply because they feel that there isn’t an alternative.
As for reporting these experiences to the authorities, Alan told me that one investigating officer told him “well if you hook up on these websites, what do you expect”? It’s mind boggling to think that any investigating officer, or detective constable, working an abuse case could possibly deem this as an acceptable response. Let’s pause again folks: -
Did Alan sign up for an experience that included sexual violence when he agreed to meet this sexual predator online? No, he did not.
Did he ask to be purposefully incapacitated, via the forced administration of drugs, by his attackers? No, he did not.
Did he ask to have this heinous sexual abuse act streamed across the web? No, he did not.
Alan was the victim here, so why was he not treated as such? It’s a story that will be partly familiar to any male or female that has had to endure the physical and mental pain of abuse. Abuse IS Abuse, no matter what mechanism has been used to inflict it.
He used a website, as indeed I did, for sexual gratification. It’s something that billions of people do 365 days a year, 7 days a week. So presumably the afore mentioned police officer’s remarks apply to the world’s populous……take heed folks, if you sex date online you deserve what you get! When you put a remark like that into perspective, it sounds even more ludicrous AND offensive than it already is! Technology facilitated abuse of this nature, has been introduced by those who make a profit from a natural human requirement for sexual interaction or contact. STOP victim blaming and focus on the crime that has been committed. NOT the circumstances under which it happened!
Let us remember, once again, that Alan was the victim here. He was left with multiple internal injuries as a result of a sex date with an online sexual predator, an experience that was relayed to an audience via a non-consensual webcam stream. I have no doubt in my mind, that police attitudes towards the gay community played a significant part in the unnecessary elongation of my own investigation. In their eyes I was just ‘some other gay bloke’, who got himself into trouble over online dating and drugs. The proverbial kick in the pants doesn’t end there, it was an LGBTQ officer that addressed Alan in this manner!
When a victim fails to receive any sense of justice from the authorities, who are supposed to police the law, then that victim is forced to take matters into their own hands……in terms of empowering themselves after an image abuse attack. This is what Alan did, this is what I did, and this is what many others have done. I hope to be able to publish a secondary piece that he's written, specifically for this website, in 2021.
Many of those who act as IBSA advocates have a repetitive message, a message that one day might be heard. Stop victim blaming and change the mindset and the attitude that goes with it. Maybe then we can have the correct emotional balance between victim and perpetrator.
Online safety is NOT a luxury, it is a 21st Century expectation. It’s an expectation of the 7.8 billion people that currently exist on the face of this planet. It’s an expectation of the 79% that use (or have used) an online dating application or website. In some cases, online safety is simply non-existent…. or chargeable by way of a subscription fee. Online safety is NOT just for those who can afford it, it should be accessible to everyone.
Technology companies and dating application developers should be held accountable for user protection. Currently there are no international laws that dictate the length of time for the storage of user profile metadata. If you’ve been a victim of technology facilitated image abuse, and that crime happened more than 30 days ago, then obtaining message history is likely to be very difficult…. if not impossible.
To the best of my knowledge NKPS Media have not commented on the Pink News article, which is referenced in this blog.
The online dating industry is currently valued at $2 billion, so you have the right to hold these companies to task over their online safety provisions, or lack of them. At the end of 2020 some of these providers (covering various demographics) include:
Grindr - Beijing Kunlun Tech (owner of 60% of the business). HQ West Hollywood, Los Angeles, USA. CEO Jeff Bonforte. Try suggesting better online safety and your views will be added to an online list of several hundred thousand requests, and convienantly forgotten about.
Tindr – Match Group. HQ West Hollywood, Los Angeles, USA. CEO Shar Dubey
Scruff and Jack’d - Perry Street Software Inc. HQ New York, USA. CEO Eric Silverberg
Recon (and Recon Men) - T101 Limited. 89 Shepperton Road, London N1 3DF. You can meet their operational team here https://t101.com/us/#teamlist
NKPS Media LLC. HQ San Bernardino, California, USA (estimated worth $48,0000 in 2010) Owner & operator (currently believed to be) Aaron Mendoza.
*all of the above is open information, freely available, on the worldwide web
Why not make it your New Year’s resolution to reach out to these companies about their online safety practices? Of course, they’ll be quick to place responsibility back onto the end user, it’s a good excuse that costs absolutely nothing and devolves them of any responsibility whatsoever…..which is their personal preference.
Let’s hope that 2021 will shine a light, that will guide us out the empty abyss that the world has become….and that we will cherish the things that we previously took for granted.
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